Life Is About Creating Yourself

I am probably not what I seem to be; I know not what I should be, I am definitely not what I want to be, but I am not what I used to be.

Changes are bound to take place, situation change too, but sometimes we fail to identify the moments that are possibly not the way we want them to be. we keep on hankering for the wishes that we might have made few years ago and in pursuit of the wishes that are old we fail to notice the glory, beauty and vibes of the present. Past is but a chunk of memory that engages our mind to a time that would never come. We linger in the moments that seem beautiful and enticing only because we could never gain over it. A question bangs my mind that why people really go after wishes and make them lust that make a firm residence in our heart and in turn toe the mind.

For someone you have lost you must spend the precious time in getting, exploring or in making a earnest effort in looking for other who is even more beautiful, pure and captivating. Life, sometimes, I wonder, earn the tapered off edge in quest of someone or something, ironically not in discovering which is yet unexplored. We generally tend to 'look for' not to discover. Discovery is essence of life, yes, life is the greates discovery that renders its bearer enlightened. Life is 'not suffering', however, what is enlightenment varies person to person. Lord buddha who quoated the above statement wanted somehow to make us wonder the sap of enlightenment not by gaining it but by discovering it. He wanted each individual to discover the element of bliss. To me gaining bliss is impossible, but to make a pursuit of it is even more enlightening.

We involve in the heinous act of abusing, scolding and sometimes quarreling over the issues that eat away our time which if was used would have gifted the happiness of gaining something positive. People get frustrated, irritated when they get trapped in traffic jam, when train arrives late or our beloved refuses for a date, but have we ever tried to gain the positivity of such moments. We hardly do it as we don't want to. Well, it is perhaps rightly said that we do what we want to do, our mind is nothing but instrument and sometimes the spinning cog of the mechanical mind needs lubricant of motivation, preaching or experience. We can think, judge and implement, but the sequence gets shuffled up in many mind and most of us land up for implementation without having thought or judged. Shear picture of immaturity...


Hold you emotions, direct them so that it gets channelized to a big and bright world. Lead your mind by the power of your 'being'... BEING a big word- Contemplate over it.

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What Makes You Happy?

A day of learning is a day of earning. Yes, indeed this statement holds a profound sense that has a great significance in one's life. Learning when meets consequences become an experience that's, as you all know, the unmatched mentor which is beyond getting replaced by even the best tutor. Experience, be it bad or good, has markedly immense impact on its bearer. It preaches a lot.

A person feels pity feeds a destitute and someone, on the contrary finds happiness in snatching off the bread, sufficient to eliminate the deadly hunger, from a beggar's hand. This is intended to facilitate the understanding of selfishness of a human being that seeks nothing but his happiness. Well, who does a thing that leads him to be unhappy? Possibly such a doer is mentally ill or viciously addicted to pain and sorrow. Well, what I want to lay emphasis on is that we do what we find happiness and satisfaction in. This is a bare presentation of selfishness that is probably inherent in all living specie on this earth. A teacher impart knowledge as it makes him happy, a social worker revamps the society in a way he wants everything to be set up for betterment, a politician makes himself happy by gaining over power; sometimes forgetting the purpose behind the power, a robber robs, a rapist rapes to vent out his uncontrollable wrongly channelized sexual drive. All the performers can be seen as character of drama who wants to outwit other one by gaining over happiness. Probably, they forget that happiness dwell within that demands the capability to discover and defeat his/her own noisy mind. Some repent and some rejoice after having performed his deed.

I would like to mention an incident while I was in overcrowded bus. It was all packed. People were raising their heads to breathe, probably everybody had become two inch taller :). After a while a girl with her guardian boarded the bus. She looked scared; she was palpitating and was behaving as if she was going to be hunted soon. She was mentally retarded. She looked sweet. Yes, she was beautiful. A gentleman offered her his seat. I was delighted. I was just standing in front of her. A feeling prevailed my heart strongly, I just wanted to hug her and cure her anyhow. At the very next moment, I saw a woman handing over her luggage to that child. I swallowed hard as I was not able to take that luggage off her lap. I flew in rage but thought that everything what happens that happens for good. I just observed the love that was biased in the lady who handed over her heavy luggage to that retarded girl, who couldn't even sit well. That lady had her own child who enjoyed the biased love. If love is profound then how it becomes biased, is it a true love, or what it is then....?

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Why Would I want to Live in the Now?

I always loved to listen to this song as a young teacher in Kamloops. It was a favorite and still is. But. To the question: Why Would I want to Live in the Now?

Because the Now may be all I have.

Living in the past stagnates us. We cannot live in the past as if the things that have already happened will happen over and over. Why revisit all the hurts and deceptions? Why revisit the bad times? Then again, we have had good times too. So, why not revisit them? It is good to remember them, but we cannot relive them. Embrace the good memories and enjoy the good feelings they bring back. But don't live there either.

Just think about the things happening in our lives now. So much excitement, so much progress. If we stay in the past, then what are we gaining from Now? Nothing. There is so much out there to experience, make new memories with and have a wonderful time living and learning.

So what's wrong with living in the future? Apart from the fact that if it has not yet happened, it may never happen. We can look ahead to the future. I am not saying that we cannot have one. Far from it! We will all have a future. What it will be we will know when it becomes the Now! Sure, we make plans. Sure, we decide what we want from life and make all sorts of decisions on how we are getting there. Now is when we are making all these choices and decisions. Not in the Future. We live Now. We have a vision for our future. We make plans on how to get there. We make the decisions and choices Now that will get us to our future. Live in the Now with vision. Live in the Now with enjoyment. Live in the Now for life!

The deeper reason for me is actually somewhat traumatic. My family doctor confirmed that I have early onset dementia. It is a result of the same medical issue that has been the cause behind my heart troubles too. My vein and artery walls are weak. They collapse and sometimes stick shut. When that happens around my heart, I get angina pain or a heart attack. When that happens in my brain, I lose a little bit of myself. That is what is making it so much more important to live in the NOW.

I am missing some memories. Nothing really important as far as I can remember. But I know the others might go sometime too. There is no good reason to remain living in my past watching the memories maybe disappear, maybe change as the old pathways in my brain start to shut down.

I would rather enjoy what is left of my time here in this life. So, ... I live in the Now. Making new pathways in my brain by learning new things. Making new memories in different sections of my brain. Using creativity skills that I did not know I had to beautify my surroundings. Not giving in to living in the past or trying to live in a future that is not yet here. I will enjoy my grandchildren as much as possible Now. I am taking lots of pictures for NOW. I am not dwelling on what could happen tomorrow. Living in the NOW makes life fun again. I love life in the Now. Enjoy it with me.

When you are troubled, that is when you really need your friends and family. I have mine. It amazes me more everyday how my friends accept me today for who I am Now. Not who I was 10 years ago. Not who I might be 10 years into my future. NOW.

Living and loving life

Elouise

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