When Tomorrow Becomes Yesterday

I remember. That's the name of this song. I think it is beautiful. She could be talking to God, or to her best friend.

I remember.

I remember feeling very scared as the black sedan came up onto the sidewalk. I remember pulling my two year old brother off the sidewalk and onto the grass and weeds in the empty lot beside my dad's dry cleaning store. I remember all the people yelling at the driver. I remember people coming to see if we were ok. I remember someone saying he was drunk. I remember that the sun was shining and the temperature was nice and warm. It took a long time before my body stopped shivering.

That was 60 years ago. Today I remember that like it was yesterday, but what happened yesterday is already becoming a blur. I remember going to Vancouver with my husband. I remember going in to see some senior's support people in a building on Dunsmuir Street. I remember listening to a lawyer explaining things to us. Things like a power of attorney, a representation agreement, giving over financial and medical control of myself to someone else. I remember the urgency with which she spoke about it. I remember my husband telling me to go put a coin in the parking meter before we got an expensive parking ticket from the city. I remember going downstairs, but I could not remember where the car was. I stopped outside the building and tried to remember which direction we had come from.

I remembered that we could see the building from where we parked. I turned to the right and started walking. It just did not feel right. It did not look familiar. I could not see any cars parked, not ours, not anyone's. I stopped. I looked in every direction from the building. I looked in a circle at least 3 times. Then I closed my eyes. Telling myself to breathe deep and relax, I slowly opened my eyes again. With a great feeling of relief, I saw our car. There it was! parked directly across the street from where I was standing. What a relief!

I turned to the left and walked to the corner. When the light changed, I walked across the street and went to the car. Yes, it was ours. The things inside the car were familiar. So I put the coin in the parking meter and retraced my steps back across the street to the lawyer's office. After I sat down, my husband looked at me and the lawyer asked if I remembered the directions to get back in. I said, yes, no problem. I did not say that I could not find the car right away.

Moments of panic like that are happening once and a while now. It is usually just short loss of what I was doing, or where I was going. Sometimes I forget what I was trying to say. Nothing serious. My husband has been talking with my doctor quite a bit. I am going to the University of British Columbia Hospital for some brain tests and to participate in a medical study. I know something is not quite right in my head. I suppose I will know soon enough what it is.

Still boggles my mind that I can remember something that happened 60 years ago so easily and completely, but I can forget where we left the car just 30 minutes earlier. I forget appointments unless I write them down. I remember when the kids took their first steps, when they cut their first tooth, Where we were living when each of them was born, the house we lived in, and many other things from years gone by. I don't always remember what I did or said 5 minutes ago.

To be continued unless I forget where I am writing this.

Elouise

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